Plenty of things screaming through my mind now, I can't decide to where exactly am I going to start. In fact, I'm between quandaries of deciding to sleep on it or just write it out here.
And the weather isn't exactly the most motivational for a blogging night
It's pretty chilling right now and my head's a bit high from the last mug of coffee. Plenty of things playing in my mind lately; of my future, my decisions, my life. It's pretty hazy, unclear and with no sense of direction. I have this mild feeling I'm living in a proper mess right now. I admit I'm getting tired of being JUST a student. I want to graduate real quickly and gtfo of my uni and embark onto another phase of life. I'm actually ashamed of myself.
Apart from that, by the end of this month, it's gonna be goodbye and not sure if we'll meet again. What will happen then after? I worry about that too. It's not that I don't care. I may not pay the greatest attention to it, but it keeps running in my mind; by the end of this month, everything will change. For better? For worst? Even I can't see. There's so many things I want to do, but it seems like I can't. If only I hadn't fall sick in these past few months. If only I wasn't such a liability. If only I could have more time. Even as I write, Bruno Mars' "When I Was Your Man" kept playing at the back of my head. I'm actually feeling guilty.
On the plus side, the only plus I think, I have been working out for a bit. At least, to motivate myself further, I've taken some steps on my own. And, by being on my own for a moment, I learnt that they aren't going to be there for you. Sigh.
I also hope I can be more independent from now onward. Would really like to be able to just live on my own, independently. It's not really about the freedom. It's about knowing that you won't be a burden anymore to anyone.
Anyway, sorry for being emotional tonight. I really need some sleep and hopefully I'll be a more cheerful person by morning.
PS: I hope you're reading this because you're the only thing I would like to have tonight second to coffee. Good night my dear. I miss you.
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