I just wish I can sleep and pretend nothing had ever happened.

In the words of Duffy, I guess I'm just reiterating her points again.

I've been confused, out of my mind lately
You think you're loving but you don't love me

So. Yes, I have been confused and crazy lately. Why did I ever felt this way again I don't really know. As soon as I realise that I have been dreaming, I am quite sad to say that, well, I've been hurt, by myself once again, for being naive. I can have the whole world, but everything means nothing I guess, if I I ain't got you.
You know those silly little feelings of you hanging between the balance of love and like is so depressive. You want to love but you can't. You want to like, but you felt remorseful over the idea. And you end up with a broken heart and lie in your bed, waiting for he day to end, hoping that someone would ask "How are you today?" and you'd really really love to reply "I have been missing you and want to see you badly." but you just can't because those words are so forbidden, so dangerous and risky to say as if you're putting your current status quo on the line, risking of losing a friendship (at least, what's left of it) the you cherish too much until it became love.

I guess.... Red and Blue just don't mix huh? Just going to remind myself not to live the teenage dream anymore.

Sedarlah, wahai manusia yang tengah aku kutuk ini~

Aku sekarang memang amat berharap engkau akan berhenti merepek dekat depan orang lain sebab perangai kebudak-budakan, dengki, hasut dan fitnah engkau itu adalah amat memilu, memedih dan menyakitkan hati aku yang selama ini menganggapkan engkau sebagai kawan. Sampaikan hati perut anda menikam aku di belakang disebabkan anda tidak mendapat apa yang aku memperoleh dan semua ini adalah disebabkan perangai anda itu yang menakutkan orang ramai. Bertaubatlah wahai manusia jahil. Anda telah diingatkan supaya dilarang merepek!
Aku selama ini tidak pernah pun menyangka anda adalah makhluk sebegini. Perlukah anda berbuat demikian? Yakni tuhan yang maha esa akan membetulkan perangaimu itu (walaupun diriku tidak pernah percaya wujudnya "miracle" disebabkan bantuan tuhan selama ini.. ironiknya~ Hahahaha!)
Kalian, aku meminta maaf jikalau anda terasa tersinggung atas kata-kataku yang berat dan terpendam dihatiku selama dua hari ini. Biar aku meyakinkan para pembaca sekalian bahawa mesej ini hanyalah ditujukan kepada seseorang dan seorang sahaja malah aku amat sedih dan pilu dengan perbuatannya yang telah membelot kepercayaan yang telah aku menaruh ke atas dirinya. Aku tidak faham mengapalah manusia sebegini wujud di dunia ini.. Tidakkah anda puas dengan apa yang telah anda ada dan peroleh selama ini? Tidakkah anda puas dengan hidupmu yang senang-lenang berbanding dengan hidupku yang merana di tempat ini? Anda telah pun meninggalkan negara ini selama hampirnya dua tahun kalau aku tidak silap, namun anda masih tidak mampu meletakkan segala yang sudah pun anda tidak mungkin peroleh ke belakang hidup anda dan menuju ke arah depan hidupmu sekarang. Sedarlah, wahai manusia yang tengah aku kutuk ini.. Berbaloi ke perbuatan anda itu? Berbaloi ke perbuatan yang bak kata pepatah batu hasut? Biarlah hidup sepekarangan denganlah pepatah buang yang keruh, ambil yang jernih. Anda yakni akan menempuhi hidupmu dengan lebih keriangang dek hari.
Para pembaca sekalian~
Sekali lagi, aku ingin menyusun jari sepuluh aku ini tanda memohon maaf jikalau anda menyangka aku tengah mengutukmu. Biarlah siapa yang memakan cili, dialah yang terasa pedas. Kadangkala kita perlu juga menyuarakan pendapat kita walaupun perbuatan sedemikian akan mengeruhkan dahi sesetengah manusia, namun jikalau perbuatan sedemikian mampu menghasilkan lebih kebaikan daripada keburukan, yakni dalam hidup kita ini, kita tidak sekali pun akan menyalahkan diri kita dan menyesal suatu hari nanti sebab tidak berbuat sedemikian bila adanya masa.

Sekian, terima kasih.

- David

Misery

Oh yeah
Oh yeah
So scared of breaking it
But you won't let it bend
And I wrote two hundred letters
I will never send
Sometimes these cut are so much
Deeper then they seem
You'd rather cover up
I'd rather let them bleed
So let me be
I'll set you free

I am in misery
There ain't nobody
Who can comfort me
Oh yeah
Why won't you answer me?
Your silence is slowly killing me
Girl you really got me bad
You really got me bad
I'm gonna get you back
I'm gonna get you back

Your salty skin and how
It mixes in with mine
The way it feels to be
Completely intertwined
Not that I didn't care
It's that I didn't know
It's not what I didn't feel,
It's what I didn't show
So let me be
I'll set you free

I am in misery
There ain't nobody
Who can comfort me
Oh yeah
Why won't you answer me?
Your silence is slowly killing me
Girl you really got me bad
You really got me bad
I'm gonna get you back
I'm gonna get you back


You say your faith is shaken
You may be mistaken
You keep me wide awake and
Waiting for the sun
I'm desperate and confused
So far away from you
I'm getting near
I don't care where I have to run

Why do you do what you do to me, yeah
Why won't you answer me, answer me yeah
Why do you do what you do to me yeah
Why won't you answer me, answer me yeah

I am in misery
There ain't nobody
Who can comfort me
Oh yeah
Why won't you answer me?
Your silence is slowly killing me
Girl you really got me bad
You really got me bad
I'm gonna get you back
I'm gonna get you back

No money, no medical care.

If it's not anger that channels my words, I wouldn't know what else does. Today, I was given the big runaround in Mahkota Medical Centre all for a blood test result which I already have the brightest idea of the outcome. It all started on that past Thursday where I was visiting the doctor to get a comment on my second blood test result. All in all I needed another one more blood test the next day to conclude if my illness is serious, though I do feel really healthy anyway. The doctor said to come on Friday which is a public holiday, again for a blood test. I asked if there were anyone around on that day and he said yes. Fine! I was told to head directly to the laboratory for the people there to get a sample of my blood. So, off I went on Friday (it was a public holiday) and there was like little to no people at all. I was clueless as to where to head to because there were no one in the laboratory at the moment. So I headed to the reception and was told by the receptionist to wait while they check my record. Then, I was told to pay up the administration fee.. which I settled with my medical card. But there was this one catch, I have no Guarantee Letter from my medical card supplier, meaning I have to wait for an entire hour just so they can fax one over to the hospital to confirm that I am a beneficiary of that medical card. Fine! So I waited. And got that done. Then I head to the lab to give them a sample of my blood. But hey, I was told I couldn't get my results today cause, well, it's a public holiday! And I have to wait until Monday (today) In my mind, my brain is already telling me, "Thank god I'm not in dire straits or I'll probably die first because it's a public holiday and this five star hospital has no doctor to analyze my blood sample."
Off I went today, to collect the result. Following what I was told, I headed for the clinic in that hospital to get my blood result. The receptionist was there, but she don't have my result! And she have to make several calls to locate my result. I was like, what the hell? You people aren't really organized.. Then, the nurse came and ask me what the problem is. I related to her that I'm here to get my blood result and she said "Where did you go that Friday?" I told her I went to the lab, as instructed by the doctor. And I was told this, "No no no! You should have went to the emergency ward, then they will take you to the lab to get the blood sample."
At this point, I was really really... annoyed, angered, displeased, and whatever semantics are available. Did she just hear what she say? I went to the lab as instructed by the doctor. She said I should go to the emergency ward, then they will bring me to the lab. I mean like, hello? And she bloody insisted that she did mention to go to the emergency ward. I'm like, NO, your doctor told me to go to the lab. Even the receptionist down there told me the same thing. And she is still insisting that she is right and I was wrong. That's it, really. I got so fed up at this point, I just said, "Great. Now you can't locate my blood result. What next?" And guess what? She said "GO register yourself and pay up the administration fee first." That's it. I just lost it. I went off just like that, without even taking my blood test result. Like, screw it. You call yourself a five star hospital but I feel so degenerated here. What a bunch of money-minded bastards..

Detour.

I'm really sorry, fellow readers, for being lazy of late in my postings. Many interesting things happened, so the by. Anyway, what prompted this sudden urge to blog was my pretty extraordinary trip today to Kaz's house which is a supposed 1 hour drive away.
Today was a beautiful day. I'm serious. Lovely weather, cloudy and cool. Not too hot, the type I would love to laze in given the chance. I receive this one call at about 12pm from Kaz asking if I would like to go to his house today as Michelle (his girlfriend) is going there, so I could at the least hitch a trip along her side since I did promise Kaz of reviewing his drawer of clothes to help him style up a bit. The whole motive of being there was to study in the first place, but oh well..
Anyway, by 3 pm I was already at Michelle's place, getting ready to leave for Kaz's. We had quite a long chat on the way. From music to fashion and some really funny gossips. Twas quite enjoyable. Though that wasn't the whole highlight. The highlight of course, was... Michelle getting us erm... a detour.

So I asked, "Are you sure this is the way to Kaz's house?"

And she answered "Yes, of course. Kaz said to go straight all the way and when we hit the end, turn left."

Fine~ All cool and dandy. I mean, how difficult could it be to drive straight ALL THE WAY and turn left right? I think I did write ALL THE WAY right? Actually.. we weren't supposed to go ALL THE WAY.. We were supposed to turn left at a junction but Mich drove on.. which brought us to a new... horizon.. I was.. erm.. enlightened. I see trees are green... Red roses too.
Anyway, yes, in case you haven't notice, genius, we're lost. Like, waaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy lost. Though it wasn't quite an ordeal. I find it rather amusing and entertaining. Michelle totally kept her cool like woah. (She was driving, by the way) I mean, how often can you get level-headed girls that could still drive calmly and laugh our asses off the entire journey? We were supposed to go to Kaz's house in Sungai Udang, but we ended up in Durian Tunggal, Tebong, Machap Baru, (see that photo at the top of my blog? Yeah, like that photo's taken in Machap Baru~) almost to Lendu then a right turn at the right junction brought us back to Alor Gajah and all the way back on track to Sungai Udang. Did I mention the trip took us a good 2 hours? We could have been in KL by then, but meh.. XD
So, the journey, which was supposed to be a 45 min to 1 hour drive turned into a big, like really big detour that took us 2 hours and countless gossips. It was fun, honestly, though I'm not too eager to do it again.
When we finally reached there (surprisingly, we did) we sat for a bit, then we had some satay which was really nice and saw some lame stage performance. Then it's back to town for us. Mich is still the driver. And guess what? We got lost again.. This time not too bad though. We ended up at UTeM main campus instead of the Ayer Keroh highway, but a small u-turn pretty much fixed everything. A little 10 more minutes and I'm here at home, at long last.