Date : 26th of January 2013
Dearest Shawn, may you rest in peace.
As we mourn for the cold hard body lying inside the coffin, I took a glance into the sky. Indeed, there was only a star shining ever so brightly that night. Only one. Maybe it's him, up there, looking at us.
Silly you Shawn, for holding back every hardship to yourself. You could have told us before, your pains and suffering, but you chose to take it to yourself, never letting us worry, always smiling and going with the flow. These kind of situations, the ones we always see on soap operas and dramas, never did I know, one day, it hit us so hard in reality. And now, everytime I pass by your shop, I can't help but look at that familiar shop sign, those shutted doors, closed for good. Those good old days starts flashing back everytime I drove along the street, your shop, our hangout place, the garden.
Tears flow as we heard how you've kept your sickness to yourself, even away from your most immidiate family members. We felt guilty, like we have failed you or some sort. Like, we aren't "friends" enough to know and share your burden. I am a man who seldom cry over the slightest stuff. I don't know myself well enough. We barely hangout as much as real friends do, but your selfless actions of not trying to make us worry-warts for your condition, touched me so deeply. You've mentioned of pains while swallowing and discomforts in your stomach. Perhaps it leaked off on us as something as simple as ulcer, but never did we expect, that one day, a deadly cancer has took you away from us. You already knew you had it, for two years, but never did you make an eek, or a sound about it.
I'll remember our conversations, the jokes we shared, the drinks we had, the times we spent. All too clearly, struck me hard when your sister related to us your demise. Disbelieving, shocking, choked, appaled, frightened; words just can't describe the accumulated feelings, those mish-mash of emotions bursting lid-full out of our conscious. Tears free-flowed, nose watery, mouth speechless. Heads shaking, disappointment. Not sure if with you or with self, but neither can bring you back anymore.
Anyway, rest well dear friend. We'll always remember you deeply, as a part of our lives. Silly you Shawn, to think that we will abandon you. Silly you Shawn, to think we will never come to your funeral. Silly you Shawn, to send those mushy "I love all of you, my dear friends." minutes just before you collapse. Silly you Shawn. Rest in peace. Before we end, allow me to mark a line that I have created, that I so very often remind myself.
The value of a man is not weighed in gold and silver, nor his achievements in life but instead in the amount of tears shed during his passing.
In Loving Memories of Shawn
Brother. Son. Friend.
