Where Did All My Creative Juices Have Gone To?

Now that I have your attention, I used to be a crazy story writer and it has been, literally, ten million years since I last wrote a full complete story. Dropping by at the good old forum that I used to indulge myself in till the wee hours in the morning rambling on and on in the random Endless RP, I kinda came across my only three full stories, a complete set of them, each a series to the older; inside my gallery. It was rather.. reminiscing to see that I actually bothered getting my ass off from the lazy couch and when I do set my mind onto the story, all those ideas just flew in every second, like as if I have been at the place itself.

Well, now, I'm kinda skeptical about my ability to write again. Although I may have been better now (back then I was only 17 and my stories are already rate 5/5 by a few hundred users) but I find that I like the motivation and creativeness to actually bother writing off my fantasy, wording every bit of dream and hallucination into the Microsoft Words. Perhaps it's because I've grown out of the community that I used to be in, where many people just indulge into delicious fantasy and couldn't be bothered by the knicks and knacks of life.

Though, I still have no intentions of publishing/announcing where my stories are, and I would love to keep it that way. If you've found it, dibs on you, but I dare bet it's a long shot from trying as seeing those stories were posted in 2007, so.... go figure on which forum to find. In fact, the old forum made a great shift to a new server, hence, all the more, locations of this forum is lost. Anyway, I think most of you would feel.. awkward, reading my stories. Haha!

5.15am, and I'm still awake. Cheerio~

Clobbered, limping, scrawling. And how I still try to finish this walk of life.

I know I can be darn revolting at times, from the way I behave, to the way I speak, but nonetheless it is what that makes me who I am now. And by who I am now, I am what they call I am, "flower heart" much. Haha!
Yes, so to say, you don't really get many people coming at you like a mad bull. And in my case, mad bulls. I am quite.. guilty of said charges as I try to untie the binds that hold me at the moment. I know I've been of a lesser being this past month due to some delusion on my part and what not, self-propelled idiocy that arises along with the occasion. And as the event passed, I just realised, I'm not even a grown adult yet at times and I have a lot more to learn and earn.
What of the path less chosen, I ask myself, and sometimes, I myself do want to try indulging into that road, the path where everyone tend to overlook, covered by the brushes and mellow grass, blurring the view as to where road lead to road, to a neverending curiosity.

Okay.. fine fine.. I sound so melodramatic that it's so boring and starting to kill your gut.

Anyway, onward with how I've been. I've been quite well, less agitated and trying to find more inner peace. Those late nights out have been quite a boon to my social circle as I met more and more new people who makes the night in Malacca go alive. Of course, these kinda thing took a bit of a toll on me as I have been deprived from a few hours of sleep lately, something of which I'm about to restore when I do have the time.
Flowers to pick? Well, I do fancy one right now, but apparently, that particular flower's lesser bud starts to rear its head at me. It was pleasant, but I try not to be who I am before at times, rolling the wheels just to please the crowd. The particular flower's response? Thus far, it has been good and at times, lukewarm. Wonder what the flower thinks right now. Haha!
Though many things happened, I think I burnt myself out this week, although it's only Wednesday today. I literally felt tired spiritually as I clobbered to get a hold of myself.

Yesterday I had a really enjoyable conversation with a friend of mine. He was totally hilarious when he said in Chinese "I kinda saw some of your posting in English. I really couldn't understand all the short forms that you are using in your FB!"
I was like... what? Hahahaha! I didn't write anything English using short forms for millenias already (apart from Twitter per se cause 140 letters is just to short) and even in SMSes so to speak. Never had that habit. So, my conclusion was, the words I wrote was too deep for Chinese educated students like him. Some of my friends too, have a hard time guessing what's in my mind when I post those vague nonsensical post.

Up in my mind next, I have a sore feeling of my past. Win some, lose some, but it was all those grime and goo that makes the gold glitter. No matter how much I hate my past as a teenager, stepping into young-adulthood has been an achievement for me as I endured every bit of crap life threw at me without mercy. I may be limping, but trust me, I will scrawl my way to the finish line if I have to. (Go #TeamScorpio ! Oh lawl!)
Anyways, adieu for now. Je suis un peu fatigue. Peut-etre je vais sieste pendant un certain temps.. Au revoir!

If they mean something...

I've always believed my dreams meant something, good or bad alike. Yesterday's dream was pretty weird, if I may say so. It wasn't a nightmare, nor was it pleasant. I always trusted my inner conscious that appears mostly in my dream, and these dreams can be so vivid and real, and what not, at times, deja vu happens, like how my dream has potrayed something to be. But this time round, it's definitely something really different. I think something's messing with me.

Here's how the dream looks like.

I was in a yard of a abandoned building. It was dusty and brown and most of the building there are made of metal, resembling what I would like to think as an old refinery, factory or sorts. I have always known that I had a spiritual dog as my guide all these while. Not only do I feel it, apparently, some spiritual practitioners too told me they felt it's presence, a black dog. In my dream, apparently, there were a lot of dogs. A LOT OF THEM in the compound. And they were.. snarling, at me. This hasn't happened before. I never recalled any dogs ever snarled at me at that manner for years. They look angry, like, I've done something. I tried to calm them down, talk to them, but they wouldn't listen. And they started charging at me, one of them, a brown one, even attempted to bite me, twice. I felt it brush against my shin as I evaded it. And when I tried to hold it down, it tried to snap my fingers. Eventually I ran, not quickly, but just not to get myself surrounded by all of them. I don't see any black dogs, just some really big ones or middle-sized ones that is either brown in colour or a mixture of dark brown and white. I wasn't hurt in my dream, not at all. But what kept me wondering was, why did they attack me? And then, I woke up.

I guess I need to tend myself spiritually. Also, I had a bit of a depressing night yesterday. I guess I won't be going to KL the end of this month, and I waited all night for someone to call, only to know that person was already asleep.

This morning.. was once again stood up by someone... sigh.

Repeated Salvo Is No Salvo.

You know, I'm getting tired of all these "Anwar sex scandal" issue being played over and over again over mainstream media. Can't the Government come up with something new to keep us entertained? It seems to me, they way all news are reported (free media and controlled media alike) people from BN seem to have more scandals to be dug up compared to BN's repeated (albeit overly used) salvo to "concentrate all firepower on Anwar". It's a smart move, arguably, knowing that Anwar is the head of the entire opposition, (namely a group that was formed by marriage-of-convenience) PR. No one, thus far, fulfills the needed and expected qualities to lead the entire opposition once he's gone. That includes CM Lim Guan Eng simply because of the "expected" rule. I mean, CM LGE is a really good leader, but his legacy to lead in Malaysia was doomed simply because he's "not of the majority race" although it was never listed in the Constitution that a Prime Minister should be a Malay and if he ever contest as a Prime Minister, he gets my best wishes and support.

Anyway, back to Anwar. It seems lately that he is playing Najib's game pretty well. He has adopted Najib's silent elegance over the issue knowing that harping and defending more onto the matter would only cause and bring about more problems for himself. Its like, we accidentally stepped onto a cow dung, we should know better than to step onto it repeatedly. But given the repeated "reminder" by the Umnoputra members, it seems the controlled media are trying hard to force Anwar dip his leg onto that piece of shit over and over again. Oh well, the conundrum..

If there is one message I'm trying to send to my readers, it's this. In the next general election, don't care or listen to who blows up a Mongolian with C4 or who had sex with his former aid. Vote for whom you think can provide a better future for us Malaysians in all aspects of life.

It's June Already?

So, half a year has just swept by through the tunnel of time. Food for thought though, although chances are you might choke on this thought, but never mind. Here goes; What have you, as an individual, done for everyone around you, in this past half a year?



Jeng jeng jeng! Flashbacks after flashbacks on the goodies you try hard to think of to potray yourself as a nobleman suddenly come rushing into your mind? Haha. Godspeed and may you be blessed with whatever you do.

Anyway, onward to the funny.

Lately, there has been a price hike on the tariffs of the electricity bill. That's not very nice. I mean, the government can be so funny at times. I'll put on two paraphrases (not the exact speech/line, but they kinda bring about the same meaning anyway)

"We will not be raising the price of RON95 petrol because we don't want to burden the Rakyat"

AND THEN

"The Najib administration announced today it will raise electricity prices by an average 7.12 per cent from June 1 in an effort to trim its burgeoning subsidy bill."

Well now, that is so totally "IN-YOUR-FACE-SUCKER!" isn't it? I am even skeptical about the "75% of the domestic user will not be affected". I mean like, does this "75%" include those people who have NO ACCESS TO ELECTRICITY? Haha. Cause we all do know that there are a certain percentage of these people living in the rural area who has frequent cuts to electricity and water and probably have no access to these basic necessities at all.

Some times I really wonder if they had failed logic three million times over.



*queue "Inilah..... barisan kita...." *

And I dare not even write "yang ikhlas berjuang."
A great day and adieu readers, as onward we strive in this mad, mad world. :)